Day 92 of Isolation

I've decided that, from now on, these posts will continue to be biweekly, because not enough is changing in my life to warrant a post every week. As we near the 100-day mark, I remember elementary school, when we'd have class parties and wear sloppily-colored paper headbands to celebrate that the school year was more than half over. Here's hoping that quarantine is more than half over, and that we'll be going back to school on time.

Summer assignments and placement tests for my new school have started, and those take up a mostly-happy chunk of my time. Facebook is now my most-used social media, and I've become emotionally attached to the simple, sweet gesture of Facebook poking people I haven't met in person but feel quasi-friendly with already. I guess I'll see if this counts as adequate social interaction. Like other social interaction, Facebook does exhaust me a little, constantly typing smiley faces and expressions of positivity. Not that I don't feel those things - I do - but I sometimes wonder what I look like from the outside - me slouching on the couch, not even exerting the energy to outwardly express the joy that I'm typing, face blank as I type my 25th "can't wait to meet you! :))" into a comment box. It doesn't feel like there's a point anymore to smiling constantly, like I used to, when there's no one here to see it. In general, most of what I'm doing online feels so performative.

In semi-connected news, the world is full of crisis after crisis. Yemen is facing a famine and a pandemic, black trans women are being killed, and I'm simultaneously finding out that every part of society, from the police system to universities to the housing market, is shockingly broken. It's gotten to be too much for me to care about all at once, to be frank. If this sounds familiar, it's probably because Hasan Minhaj is now my primary news source, and I wouldn't have it any other way. At the rate I'm consuming Patriot Act episodes, I predict it won't be long before the guy starts popping up in my dreams with snappy one-liners making fun of corrupt old white men.

This might be a controversial statement, but I'm gonna come out and say it: I've given up on Chloe Ting, the not-yet-glowed-up girl's Messiah. Her workouts did nothing for me, and I'm now instead focusing on running and walking. What I thought was an exercise for old men in knee-high socks and tiny reading glasses has now become my relaxation and exercise of choice, especially because I realized just how far I can walk - all the way to my friends' houses, to have front-step conversations while our dogs bark at each other!

My long walks are definitely a testament to how desperate I am to escape my house and have some in-person interaction, especially digitally surrounded as I am by acquaintances knowingly disregarding common sense to hang out with each other in close proximity. I've already angered some seniors on Facebook, luckily anonymously, for criticizing their 10-person, group-photo-taking beach trip. Listen. In twenty states, including mine, infection numbers are going up again. And yet, whenever my family and I drive to any neighboring downtown area, more than half the people out aren't even wearing masks. I'm tired of telling you guys to be careful, but this is starting to piss me off. Your reckless behavior is putting so many people that you know in danger. I might even start openly calling you guys, popular though you may be, out.

Although it may sound silly, I highly recommend arts and crafts for the times when you find yourself hollow. Painting a pair of jeans was one of the most fun things I've done, and it completely distracted me. While I was painting, I wasn't thinking about how my school year might not start or about how my body disappoints me. I even painted some rocks, a fully pointless yet totally joyful endeavor, to drop in the yards of houses along my walking route. Hopefully some of them made a kid happy.

I'm running out of quasi-"deep" ways to end posts but there was a double rainbow tonight. I hope you guys saw it. It was really pretty.

XOXO, Quaranteen