Day 78 of Isolation

So, "summer" is here and America is falling apart. In addition to the virus, there's been a few awful incidents of police brutality against black people. Protests are being held in nearly every major city, and some have become riots. Two of my friends were tear-gassed yesterday. God, this feels so dystopian. And I feel so powerless, being forbidden from attending protests (too hard to social distance) or do anything to help except try to educate myself with Netflix documentaries and post anti-racist information on my Instagram story. This note serves mostly as contextualization for this blog post, because I am white and I don't want my perspective to take up too much space that should be filled by black people who are directly impacted by racism and police brutality. Anyway, text FLOYD to 55156, text JUSTICE to 668366, attend protests if you're able, and donate.

It's hard to believe we've been living like this for 78 whole days. School has been online for, almost exactly, one extra summer vacation. Friday was my last day of school, and I finished my last pointless assignment. Apparently I have to find a project for the summer, or I'll go even crazier and my parents will like me even less. I'll probably do SAT prep or start learning my online classes, but I'm already struggling with the lack of meaningful opportunities I have. I didn't get selected to be a tutor for my school (eye roll), so if anyone knows how to make money without being allowed to actually leave the house and work, tips would be much appreciated.

My state remains in Phase 2, but a few people continue to view this as a chance to safely hang out with friends and publicly post pictures of you guys hugging. To those people: I'm sure you know how stupid your actions are by this point. I will try to ignore you and be positive, but good luck finding an open ventilator if you catch COVID. There's bound to be a second wave if we get too reckless, which I'm worried is what's starting to happen.

Summer isn't summer anymore. A more apt comparison would be one of the days between Christmas and New Years' Eve - no one knows what day it is, you eat some peculiar combination of whatever remains of the pantry, hours disappear into Netflix episodes and it feels like there's nothing to do but pass the time meaninglessly. For me, summer used to mean swim team, travel, and hanging out with friends at the pool. We all have slightly different definitions, but when you boil down most of what everyone likes about summer, it's the freedom a 3-month long break brings. Now, we've been confined in a different type of prison than the American public-school system, but we aren't yet free when every day is either boredom, pain, or distracting yourself unhealthily.

I realized that I'm never going to see most of the people from my old school again, and I'm not as mad. In trying to start the invite list for my birthday party, which will probably be a six-feet-apart, picnic-y affair, I've seen that the people I really care about are, shall we say, an elite group. Which is helpful, considering that no more than twenty people are allowed to gather outside. I just can't wait until everything is back to normal and I can see people, close-up and in person.

Schools haven't yet decided about going back to school in the fall. The public school system sent out a bunch of Google forms about what suggestions students might have with which to improve distance learning - not very promising. From what I've heard, private schools are really trying to go back in the fall to avoid parents pulling their kids out. I haven't gotten any bad news about my school, and apparently the system they're in is planning to open regularly with a shortened semester. The next two years were going to be some of my favorites, so fingers crossed.

Stay safe. Also, please talk to me, I'm not doing well.

XOXO, Quaranteen