Day 148 of Isolation

It's been almost five months now of mandatory masking, 6-foot shuffling in grocery aisles, and attempting to keep social connections distanced. If it takes 66 days to form a habit, social distancing has become not only that, but a way of life, the new normal. Not convinced? Just find an old video, some relic of the time before quarantine, where maskless people hug or stand closely in a crowded school or workplace. You'll recoil, or at least blink in confusion and think, That's not safe, how is that happening? before realizing that the world used to be like that - no one dying from a pandemic, free to hug whoever you wanted (with consent!). (All of my readers so far are American, but if anyone international reads this post and has returned to relatively normal life by now - hello, hi, and yes, the US is still dealing with this.)

The first few high schools that have returned to in-person classes in this country have been fraught with controversy - specifically, the school in Georgia that suspended students for taking video of the crowded hallways, then rescinded the suspension when they remembered that, y'know, the Constitution exists. My brother's private middle school will return in-person as well, but most of the students who either aren't rich and white or have medical workers for parents are choosing to online. My friends from the local public school system are struggling under the weight of oddly-formatted virtual summer assignments and either preparing to start their junior years online or deciding which colleges to apply to, based on virtual tours and informational Zooms. Whatever your plans for the fall, students in America are gearing up for the weirdest back-to-school season of their lives, where the trips to Target will be distanced and the in-person social gatherings will be carefully planned out.

As for me, I recently found out that I'll be moving in to school in less than two weeks. As a result, the past week has been a whirlwind of preparatory shopping, both online (while trying to avoid a certain company, because trillionaires are NOT the moves) and in-person, surrounded by other pairs of mothers and students searching for trinkets that might make staying alone in a dorm room feel like being at home. I've spent most of this summer impatient for the return to school, but now that I'm actually in the first group, I feel like everything is happening too quickly. I've never spent more than a week away from home before, and now I'm moving out for six of them. The little quirks of my family members that currently annoy me are probably what I'll be sorely missing by the time I publish my next post, sitting alone in my dorm room without human touch for six weeks, so I try to keep that in mind as I alternately worry that I won't get everything together in time and count down the days to leaving home.

The list of special rules that COVID-19 has forced my school year to operate under was recently released, and while they are pretty intimidating - we're forbidden from hugging and have to wear masks everywhere but our dorm rooms - they should be able to keep us safe. A bunch of local colleges are going back in-person, and one has already come under fire recently due to the large group of sorority girls spotted partying it up without masks. I would be apprehensive about going back to school if I was a college student, but given the small size of my school and dystopian strictness of the rules, I mostly trust the administration. Although it'll probably be hard for me to resist hugging my friends, we'll just have to hold out until the spring semester and, for now, settle for waving, distanced chats, and lobbing packages of baked goods at each other like little bombs of goodwill.

I've realized that, although I'm no longer getting the daily social interaction of in-person school or a summer program, the connections that I'm making now, the ones I have to actively pursue, are stronger than many of the school friendships I'd made. Back when I was seeing friends every day, we would take it for granted - one of us would be on our phones, or we'd only talk about school, or they'd end their conversation with me to have a quick chat with someone else. Now, seeing someone your age in-person is a huge event, and when we get the chance to talk, we actually look at each other and, as corny as it sounds, there's just more of an implicit understanding, a vibe of, "I matter to you, and you matter to me."

As numbers in my state stop accelerating, I recently was lucky enough to venture inside a friend's house, staying distanced and sanitized. Existing in a house that wasn't my own, talking to people who were excited to interact with me, was phenomenal. As busy as everyone was in pre-Corona times, I'm actually seeing my friends, especially the friends who didn't go to my old school, more frequently and finding out which of my acquaintances I actually want in my life, and which ones I won't miss. You know the stage of a friendship where you can say literally anything, no matter how stupid, and know that you won't be judged and both of you will end up laughing? Getting back to that level with old friends is one of the chief triumphs of my quarantine period. I've also celebrated the birthdays of two close friends, and judging by how happy they were to see me, I will no longer feel, even slightly, like I'm annoying them when asking to hang out anymore.

You may have noticed that I didn't talk about the news at all. This was a strategic choice, as certain correspondents and myself have deemed it boring and depressing. Also, nothing that's happened in the past two weeks has really changed daily life for people my age (Tiktok wasn't banned, in case you were wondering), and I figure if you want the news, you can go to an actual news site. Or just watch old episodes of Patriot Act and pray for the return of Hasan Minhaj. But anyway, tell me in the comments if this style is to y'all's liking! I figure other people are having similar experiences and I'm not just rambling about myself to a slightly-annoyed audience on my own little corner of the Internet.

For months, I've been trying to find a silver lining to quarantine, a way to stay positive, or at least pretend to be positive. Finally, in connecting with other people, as "dating-app-for-the-elderly" as that sounds, I've found it. No matter how long you've gone without social interaction, I promise you, you're still yourself, and your friends are still here for you. We're going to be okay.

XOXO, Quaranteen