Day 108 of Isolation

There's clearly more than 104 days of Coronacation, and it might be a while before in-person school comes along to end it. My school just announced that only half of us will be on campus, half the time. I'll probably be sitting in my house, doing the hardest classes I've ever taken online without any of the experiences I wanted from my school, and the best-case scenario is that it's only for two months or so if the spring semester can still be salvaged. The local public schools are rumored to be even worse off - a plan has surfaced to leave high-schoolers fully online, while spreading out younger kids through their buildings. Back when I thought we'd go back normally, I couldn't wait for school, but now that I know how awful it might be in the fall, I feel strangely better about my situation now. Bored at home with good shows to watch is better than bored at home with work to do.

It's weird, a few days ago was my birthday, and at the beginning of the day I didn't even want to write this post, because I'm trying not to put negativity in the world. I had a socially distant birthday party and, objectively, it was great! I saw some of my closest friends in person and we laughed a lot. I just felt... off... after the party, probably because it was a big birthday and I'd originally wanted to invite all of my friends and go do some fun activity instead of just sitting around in a circle talking. I felt boring, with nothing to discuss except the past and an uncertain future. There's no present now, not really. There are no fun stories to be told in a typical quarantine summer day -"I went for a run and watched seven episodes of Parks and Recreation" isn't the most compelling narrative.

Also - I feel like my time being a teenager is running out. I'm already halfway through, but I've hit almost none of the milestones - getting my driver's license, night driving with my friends, attending an actual party - and the pandemic is slowing me down even more. The year I was finally going to be allowed to date a boy is the year we can't touch each other, and I can't help but feel personally slighted. I've seen enough Tiktoks (and heard Ribs by Lorde) to know that pretty much everyone else my age is feeling this too, so hopefully I'm articulating a shared experience rather than just whining about these admittedly trivial problems.

Another thing I realized - I used to dream at night about crazy trips to tropical islands and theme parks. Now, all my dreams are either speculation about starting school, malformed and randomly-generated episodes of my favorite TV shows, or trips to Target and Whole Foods. I now have the layout of both aforementioned establishments memorized, held in the special place in my heart where cherished trips outside the prison of my house belong. And for anyone struggling to find a fun outdoor summer activity that's less self-punishing than running and more socially-distant than bringing a group of ten friends to the beach, I highly recommend convincing your family to visit a nearby body of water. A bonus: you might even see some outdoorsy, Outer-Banks-esque teenage boys - if you're into that kind of thing. This was just me trying to shoehorn in the happy fact that I saw a few boys who I didn't know at the lake yesterday, making June a banner month.

We've arrived at the "people-are-still-being-stupid" paragraph, and that's exactly what I have to report. Although infection numbers are declining through the civilized nations of the world, the United States is experiencing a new surge in cases. A gubernatorial mandatory masking order was just passed, but according to my friends around the state, the order isn't really being followed by the lovely citizens of just about everywhere. I will never understand people who are scared to wear protective equipment that saves the lives of their neighbors. If any of you guys are reading this (unlikely, since I've probably already alienated them) please just wear a goddamn mask and stay the hell inside. Anyone who knows me in real life probably can't picture me saying those words, but finally, I'm angry about something that's actually justified. Admittedly, I'm too far-removed from the idea of death to be more concretely angry about people dying from the virus than from my dream school year being messed up, but still - it is not an exaggeration to state that if you're not wearing a mask outside, you are ruining everything.

On a much more positive note, I can't believe I never said this before, but thank you for reading! I have readers now! Thank you for waiting a few extra days for this post. Other than it being my birthday, I was psyching myself out because actual people are reading this, and they seem to like it! In the beginning, I was screaming into the void, but now it's more like I'm screaming at a small crowd of people. Looking back at my old posts, I was definitely oversharing. I also can't believe that, after a month quarantined, I thought we might be in the tail end. Oh, sweetly-stupid-April-me. Tomorrow will be July, but life won't be anywhere near normal until next February at the earliest. (Here's crossing my fingers that I don't come back to this post sometime in 2022 and, still quarantined, once again laugh at my present naivety.)

I feel so powerless right now, but maybe there's power in creation. Shaping my days into a narrative has motivated me to improve myself and show some kind of forward trajectory. I hope that when self-isolation is finally over, we'll all be the best versions of ourselves.

XOXO, Quaranteen